wind chill

chicago is not too far away.  its getting closer and closer, actually. 

the temperature in chicago was three degrees yesterday.  three.  degrees.  what can i say, rediculously cheap plane tickets to a city thats been on my list for a long time will make me do silly things.  i could hardly stand the amount of wind we had in Portland tonight.  i realize that i may very well freeze to death, but oh what a way to go.  i've been praying for adventure lately, and i suspect thats just what i'm getting myself into here.

i got our tickets in the mail today for the broadway show we're going to.  is it still a broadway show when its not actually on broadway?  dont know, dont care.  five days of adventure and exploration.  architecture and art museums.


15 days and i'll be in the windy city.  a great way to start a new decade. 

epiphany

today was one of the best days i've ever had. and not for any other reason than God made clear to me how he is working in my life. A little epiphany, and so timely with the church calendar. i've been praying and talking with friends about how we should find our identity in God. I feel like God has been stirring that desire in me. But how do we really do that so it’s more than just words. Above all else, i want to know that i am a daughter of Christ. really KNOW in my heart of hearts. i want that to be the place i operate out of. but what does that look like? how does that play out in my day-to-day life? i dont really have an exact answer for that, but today proved to me that God is teaching me that lesson.

First, i got one of the most amazing compliments from a co-worker. She was having a rough morning and told me that she just wanted to come to work and grab some time with me because she knew that i "wanted to hear her heart." oh wow, what a high compliment. it means a lot to me that she knows that i'm in it with her. that i love her and i really do want to know her. to know her heart. but more than that, i want her to know why i care so much about her. that i'm only able to care about her this way because God cares about me at a much higher level. Because God cares about her in a big way. it just felt like God's whisper saying "good job little stef."

Then, when i got home from work there was a note waiting for me in my mailbox. it was from a godly woman that i really admire. the note was a beautiful affirmation of who i am as a daughter in Christ. That she sees God at work in my life and is proud of who i have become. This was such a blessing because i know she would not say this lightly and feel humbled and greatful that she thinks so highly of me. Again, another affirmation from the Lord that he’s already up to something.

in between all that, i had my performance review at work today and it was a great conversation with my boss. it made me excited that i get to do what i do. i'm looking forward to this next year.

all of this is an answer to prayer. God is not still when you ask him to come closer. i've been praying that i would find my identity in him, and he has used today to show me that i'm already living in that space more than i think i am. I am so blessed by the people in my life, and so thankful that God used today to encourage and strengthen my faith. it felt like a moment of celebration. a moment to get caught up in the dance.

what's next?

 i havent written anything here in a long time because life has been busy. december is known to be a busy month, but this fall as a whole has been quite interesting.

First, my dear friends told me that they were moving to Salt Lake City to plant a church. Kevin and Karen are more than just friends, they're family. they are where i spend Christmas each year. last year, during the snow storm - i got a call from Kevin saying to get my stuff ready because he was on his way to pick me up. I wouldn’t have to spend the storm alone. i spent a week at their house talking, eating, laughing, baking, playing in the snow and eating some more. That was exactly what i needed this time last year. These are the people that i would call if i ended up in hospital. They are a big part of why I’m in Portland in the first place. They are the home i run to when my life is falling apart. i've spent many late nights talking with Karen about how to navigate through life's twists and turns. They are more than friends, they are my family. So when they told me they were moving I knew a piece of me would be going with them to Salt Lake City.

Karen invited me to go with them to SLC. And it got my wheels turning. i was honored to be invited and a new adventure got me excited. But, as I thought more about it I realized that I would need to be called to Salt Lake. i mean think about it. Me? in Salt Lake? Really? Yeah, right. I’m no snow bunny. If they were starting a church in Chicago or Boston or my beloved New York, I would be there in a flash. But Salt Lake? What in the world would I be able to contribute there? But I’ve been praying about it, if there’s a place for me there that God wants me to fill – I’m open to it. and would be excited for the new adventure. But I’ll have to hear it from God.

Ever since I got the news of Kevin & Karen moving, I’ve held Portland very lightly. Wondering where God would take me next (NYC, please!).

Then, I went to visit my family in California earlier this month. While I was there I got to spend some time with one of my teachers from high school. Erin and I used to go to Santa Cruz together almost every weekend. I was so blessed to have her as a mentor during those years. And our relationship has blossomed into a deep friendship. It was wonderful to spend a day catching up with her. Taking her dog Truckee for a walk. Trying out new wines at their usual wine bar. Drinking tea and talking about life. Hearing her heart and laying mine out for her. While I was there, I realized that I could see myself living in the Bay Area again. WHAT?! Where the heck did that come from? That shocked me big time because I ran as fast as I could away from that place after high school. What in the world was I thinking? But maybe it wasn’t me that was thinking. God, are you up to something here? So I mentioned this to Erin and her husband and they responded with excitement and started dreaming of how I could connect to their community. How I could serve in their church and help establish a women’s ministry. How they would love to have me as part of their core team when they plant their own church. Hmm, God where are you going with this?

Something I know about myself is that God teaches me in themes. When I see something come up in a few places my ears perk up. So, I’m not sure that this means that I will be leaving Portland any time soon. I’ve got A LOT of great things going for me here. A good job, a GREAT community of friends, a beautiful church. But maybe this means God is calling me out of this season of healing that I’ve been in, and into a season of service. I pray that God would be revealing where he would have me serve, where he is calling me. I’m holding all this lightly, ready for a new adventure.

novak and heepa

i don't remember why, but somewhere along the road my brother got nicknamed "heepa." Maybe it was because he started calling me "seepa" first, but now those are our nicknames for each other. His real name is Kevin, but heepa has a better ring to it.

i've been watching the US Open this past week and novak djokovic is my favorite tennis player. the main reason for that is because he reminds me of my brother. I've been told that i think everyone looks like my brother (i'm sure Freud would have some theories on that) but come on! I'm not making this up - novak totally looks like my brother. can you see it?! Novak on the left, Kevin on the right.




Novak is doing pretty good so far in New York. Sadly, i haven't been able to catch one of his matches yet. Last night was nadal, and tonight they're showing federer (surprise, surprise). Hopefully novak will get far enough that he'll meet one of these two and get some prime time action. My tennis loyalties lie first with novak, then nadal...federer - not so much. Go Novak, Go! Looks like this could shape up to be a pretty interesting competition.

1812 Overture

every summer the oregon symphony does their final outdoor performance at south waterfront. There are a lot of great things about Portland summers, and this is one of my favorite. a group of us went last thursday to partake of this cultural gem. they do the 1812 overture right - cannons and all. not only that, but the bring in some folks from the ballet and they always finish it off with some AMAZING fireworks. fireworks that arent on the 4th of july seem more special. a great night of music and friends.

lacking wisdom?

i got my wisdom teeth pulled a week ago. yikes, this has been an experience. things went pretty smoothly the day of the procedure (as smoothly as something like that could go). The next day was worse than the first. the day of nausea, followed by excruciating pain and exhaustion. but now, things seem to be coming back under control. still really tired, but on the mend for sure. cant wait to get back to normal.

but last night was fantastic. in the middle of my exhaustion and pain, i found myself in the middle of thanksgiving. it was truly a time of worship. a time to look back over what God has done in my life. How he's been present with me every step of this hard journey i'm on. it made me feel really blessed. it started when i was talking to my mom about God's protection in getting me to the dentist sooner than i had planned before anything turned into an infection. something that seems small, but right now is a really big thing. and that has been a theme. God really has blessed me, both large and small. And i am so thankful. it was a time to realize that he's brought healing in a few places that i've been praying for healing. praise be to God.

and p.s. i just got an email from my boss telling me to take it easy for another day and not come in to work tomorrow. rest up. definitely another blessing from my papa.

flight

Bret: i'm developing a vaccine for epileptic dogs
Girl: are you a vet, or a doctor or something?
Bret: no, but i am very intelligent (readjusts glasses)
Girl: i'm not sure you should do that, it could be dangerous.
Bret: no, its not dangerous, i've been taking it for a while now and i havent had any epileptic symtoms
Girl: but you werent epileptic before taking the vaccine.
Bret: well, no - but i think its because of the vaccine.

hee hee hee. it's probably funnier with a new zealand accent.