be my eyes

a blind man got on the bus today with his companion. this made me start thinking about how i would describe each situation if i were such a companion. i would tell him how every time the bus gains speed my hair would be blown everywhere because i was sitting in front of the only open window on the bus. i would tell about how the tattooed woman across from me surprised me when she pulled out a small paperback C.S. Lewis. i would tell about how intent her eyes were as she was reading, like she was also struggling through the problem of pain. i would tell about her furry boots, which she tucked her cargo pants into. and how, as she got up to leave, she revealed that she had a use for every one of her cargo pockets. returning C.S. Lewis to her back pocket, and retrieving her glasses case from a pocket near her knee. i would tell about how the middle-aged bus driver would greet each passenger as they got on, grinning widely, showing his braces. i would tell him how some people squish themselves into their small seat. how they have to raise their shoulders and squeeze their arms together to even fit between the two people next to them. i would tell about all this and more.

how much more i would see if i were a companion of someone without sight.

the flood

i came home from work last friday to find that that there was a waterfall in my bedroom closet. seriously?! the week before i move? the waterheater in the apartment upstairs broke. so i spent the weekend dealing with that. argh. well, the good part is that i got all my packing done early. the people said that it would be okay for me to sleep there still. but after a couple of nights i realized that was not at all the case. so, i broke down my bed and am now sleeping on my matress in my neighbor's living room. they are so nice to let me stay with them. and now there are 7 fans in my room and my dresser is the only thing left in there (its a little too heavy for me to move - hopefully it wont get affected by the situation). anyway - i wont go into all the details, but this is one rediculous send off party. i'm SOOOO glad that i am moving next weekend.

Completion

its finally done!! i did my final edit on my thesis paper a few days ago. comes in just under 40 pages. holy cow. i didnt know i had that much to say about standard insurance.

mind games

i think i've hit a wall. i gave my professor a rough draft of my thesis paper last week so he could give me his feedback - and ever since then i havent been able to get myself to keep working on it. maybe my mind doesnt realize that its only a rough draft that i turned in, not the real thing. i just opened up the file a few minutes ago and i ended up just staring at it. couldnt get my fingers to type anything productive. so - i guess i am going to take a little break from my paper right now. its already 27 pages (not including all the appendices he's requesting). i think subconsciously i'm waiting to get the paper back from him before i clean it up. but honestly, i have no idea how long it is going to take him to get back to me. hopefully he wont wait until the week the paper is due and then send it back with a bunch of big revisions that i need to take care of.

NB

we did a case study on New Balance last night. I found out that they have made an intentional choice to not sponsor any athletes. they want people to buy their shoes because they're high quality - not because some celebrity wears them. i think thats top notch. people buy things all the time for lame reasons. i like that they're standing up for the real reason people should buy things - because they're awesome, not because they are the cool trendy thing right now. i still dont think i'll be trading in my asics any time soon. i think i tried some new balances on at Foot Traffic when i went to get my "assessment" a couple of years ago. but they just didnt treat me as well as my asics.

i have been pleasantly surprised at how long my current pair of asics have lasted. i think i bought these in sept of last year and they're still running strong. i think you're probably supposed to replace your running shoes every 6 months or something like that - but when they're 90 bucks a pop, i let my knees tell me when i need some new ones. and so far, my knees have been very happy. i think ive still got some life in this pair.

my thesis

24 pages and counting!

Ugh!

i am doing everything i can right now to not write my paper. my thesis paper. my thesis paper that needs to be 30 pages. 30 pages of rambling on and on about the insurance company i work for. 30 pages of dissecting why they do what they do. why they shouldnt be doing what they're doing. how much money they are making (and how they really can afford to give a little more to me). you know, the usual.

the prospect of having to write a sterile paper is painful. maybe i will go for a walk. its been nice out this week. ive already gone for a walk today - but maybe i need another one. after all, i dont know how long it will be before the rain comes back and i should take advantage. right? yeesh.

StanCorp Financial, you are my Everest!

john 3:5

i like the way this verse reads in The Message:

Unless a person submits to this original creation - the 'wind-hovering-over-the-water' creation ... - it is not possible to enter God's kingdom

john 3:5


the wind-hovering-over-the-water creation. beautiful.

nightstand

the other day i went to powell's to buy a book that karen recommended that i read. i found the book pretty quick - and of course looked through all the copies there to find the cheapest used one. after i had found the book i wanted, this other book caught my eye. i always get distracted by books when im in a bookstore. i know - you're thinking "but stef - you're in a book store, of course you're going to browse other books," just stick with me. i found this book called A Monk's alphabet. its written by a monk who lives part of the year in Oregon and the other part of the year in Rome (!!!). they are just little entries with one or two word titles. i sat down and read a couple of entries while i was at powell's. this guy is a great writer, i would totally recommend this book. but i havent finished it yet - so the recommendation cannot be official until i've completed it.

anyway - all this to say, i love my nightstand right now. my room is kind of tiny and cramped, and because of that it always seems to be a mess. but the other day i walked into my room and saw my nightstand and it made me smile - so i thought i'd share. they're all christian type books, except for The Know-It-All, but that's written by A.J. Jacobs and he also wrote A Year of Living Biblically, so it still kinda fits.

a life well loved

this is something that i wrote to my friend, Holly, who is in Rwanda, after i attended one of the most beautiful memorial services i've ever been to.

---

I want to tell you about last night. It was amazing. The memorial service for Olivia was held at Evangel. The service was just a really beautiful time of grief. Coming together around our family to cry over the loss of a loved one. There were some amazing pictures of her displayed at the front, and there was just this sense of healthy grief. Luke talked about how she had a life that was well loved, and reminded the family to not be anxious about anything. The God that has given them grace today will renew those graces tomorrow. The same way He has given enough grace for today, He will give enough grace to get through tomorrow. this has been on my heart a lot lately. this is a familiar theme to me, but the way he explained it made it so real. that we are not to be shy with God, we shouldnt pretend that we dont need all the mercy he has given us for today. God knows what we need today, and we should trust that his provision is perfect. that the mercies we need will be there tomorrow - so lets use up what he has given us today. in his wisdom he provides for our true need.

Rick spoke and reminded us that God is before this and he is in this. Just beautiful. Chris was able to speak and he just blew me away with his faith. He thanked everyone for entering into this with them and holding them up, and then he talked about how Courtney is his hero (beautiful!). How she went through a long painful labor knowing that she would be receiving a stillborn child. Everyone was sobbing. After the service everyone started to get into a line to be with the family. Konstanze, Sarah & I went together and we just were in one big hug together with Beverly. Of course we were all crying. You were missed, but you were there with us too. Bev mentioned that you called her and she was so thankful for that. Just a reminder that the ties of family are stronger than the distance that separates us.


It was the most beautiful time. It was how every memorial service should be. Some serious grief,
but also this intense sense of Emmanuel - God IS with us. Being humbled and encouraged by this family's faith. Just amazing. words cannot do it justice.

borders

i was doing homework the other day and they talked about this thing that borders is doing where they can bring up any book in their system and print out the pages and the cover and then they bind the book in their store too. no more stacks of books sitting in the warehouse in the back. no more dusty pages. something about this seems wrong to me. dont we have enough ways to get things as fast as we could possibly want them? isnt that what the internet is for? this just seems cheap to me.

and then you're taking away that amazing smell of a new book. i cant imagine that something that had just come off a laser printer would have the same scent. i love the way books smell, the tattered covers, and ragged pages. dont take that away from me, sir.

one

often times i feel like i dont have much to say. the thoughts that come out seem to be all pretty status-quo. ive heard a couple of times from my friends that the way i view the world is unique...but it doesnt seem that unique when you see it that way every day. the one thing i remember is during the world series games last spring i was explaining to my friend that i was such a huge fan of baseball, at least for the last few weeks. yeah, we'll see where that goes. i cant promise anything. i think part of why i'm doing this is to try and remember the silly things that go on in my life. the little things that we need to keep track of because they make up the moments that add up to a life.