What's Next?

It was around the time of my birthday and that always gets me thinking about my life. What am I thankful for? What ebenezers do I need to make to remind me of what God’s done in my life over the past year? What dreams do I have for the coming year? I’ve been praying for a while that God would give me big dreams. Over the last few years I’ve found that I have been pretty reserved in the dreams I allow myself to have. I’ve seen dreams shatter and it hurts. A lot. And I didn’t want to be disappointed again. But to hell with that, I say! God isn’t calling me to settle for a hum-drum life…and I think letting the Father paint a big dream for me is where it begins. So I started praying for an adventure.

It all started with a TED talk and this question: “What scares you the most? Do that.” That’s easy: Quit my job and travel for a year. That scares the crap out of me. I’m more the planned out/responsible type than the fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants kinds of girl. I’ve always been pretty frugal and responsible with my money, probably because of the financial environment I grew up in. I learned at a young age that I needed to be able to take care of myself. So I have. But because of that, I’m a bit of a scared-y cat when it comes to taking financial risks. And do I really want to quit my job? In this economy? And not have anything to come back to? Really? Is that wise? I’m beginning to think it is. And here’s why: it will make me trust God with my money. Which, right now…I don’t. I depend on me. That’s gotta stop.

When I look back on my life, do I really want to say that I spent my 20’s in corporate America? Sure, my job served a great purpose for a time. It helped me pay for college and I’ve been learning a lot in my current role…but is it what I’m passionate about? Probably not. I’m passionate about helping people grow and develop. I’m passionate about Jesus and the healing that the Holy Spirit can bring. If I do end up taking a break to travel I want it to have some umph behind it. I’m all for sight-seeing and touristy stuff, but I think I would get lonely and feel a bit unsatisfied if I just travelled to travel. Instead, maybe I want to go to a L’Abri for a while or serve with a non-profit while I’m overseas. I want to see what God’s up to and join in on the fun.

I’ve also been thinking about going back to school to become a counselor. I think that plays to some of my strengths and I really believe in walking alongside people as they work through hard stuff. So, I’ve been looking at schools. Some in Portland, some not. I thought about travelling for a while, visiting friends overseas, maybe volunteering for a few months and then returning to the states and heading back to school. A friend of mine also mentioned the possibility of pursuing my PhD. I could study abroad and get a degree in social psychology. Wow, there are so many options, how does one begin to choose?

So, here we go. Let’s see what adventure this next year brings. Have you had any GIANT leaps of faith that you’ve taken in your life? How’d they turn out? Any words of wisdom?

Nowhere Place

A couple of weeks ago Rick talked about being in a “nowhere place”. We keep holding out for something before we fully allow God to be our God… and that leaves us in this nowhere place. We’ve left home, we aren’t yet where we belong, but we sure as hell aren’t where we thought we’d be by now. I think we’ve all got a nowhere place. For me, it’s singleness. What is wrong with me that I’m still single? My friends keep getting married off. This can’t be some secret club only for the elite. Wait, what’s the secret handshake? Or, if they’re not married, they’re at least in a relationship that is lasting more than one or two dates. Come on, God. I thought we had a deal. I keep hearing that you want good things for me, that you’re all powerful. So why aren’t you coming through on this one? Well, then there must be something unlovable about me if an all-powerful God can’t even find me a mate.

Yeah, those are the places I go. The tapes that play in my head that could get the best of me if I let them (and I could have gone on and on with that list, but I’ll spare you the lies). Rick also talked about God having mercy on those who he has mercy on. That God gets to choose how and when to bless us. God gets to be in control, not me. Crap. I hate that sometimes. There he goes again, not fitting into my small lowercase-g-god-box. He’s too big for my little box, and his bigness simultaneously thrills me and scares the shit out of me. It’s safer for me if God acts the way I expect him to, if he gives me what I want. But that’s what I love about our God, he’s unpredictable and dangerous. He loves fiercely and jealously. He’ll passionately pursue us until he has our whole hearts. He’s not scared of getting his hands dirty and is more interested in being in relationship with us than making sure we have every box on our list checked off. He loves us as we are. Right now. And at the same time is transforming me into the image of Christ. God wants to meet me in my nowhere place and redeem it. This week I’m going to pay attention and look for ways that he’s already entered into that place and is starting to redeem it.


Anyway, this is what has been rolling around in my head after listening to that sermon. I wonder what your nowhere places are. How has God encountered you there?