A couple of weeks ago Rick talked about being in a “nowhere place”. We keep holding out for something before we fully allow God to be our God… and that leaves us in this nowhere place. We’ve left home, we aren’t yet where we belong, but we sure as hell aren’t where we thought we’d be by now. I think we’ve all got a nowhere place. For me, it’s singleness. What is wrong with me that I’m still single? My friends keep getting married off. This can’t be some secret club only for the elite. Wait, what’s the secret handshake? Or, if they’re not married, they’re at least in a relationship that is lasting more than one or two dates. Come on, God. I thought we had a deal. I keep hearing that you want good things for me, that you’re all powerful. So why aren’t you coming through on this one? Well, then there must be something unlovable about me if an all-powerful God can’t even find me a mate.
Yeah, those are the places I go. The tapes that play in my head that could get the best of me if I let them (and I could have gone on and on with that list, but I’ll spare you the lies). Rick also talked about God having mercy on those who he has mercy on. That God gets to choose how and when to bless us. God gets to be in control, not me. Crap. I hate that sometimes. There he goes again, not fitting into my small lowercase-g-god-box. He’s too big for my little box, and his bigness simultaneously thrills me and scares the shit out of me. It’s safer for me if God acts the way I expect him to, if he gives me what I want. But that’s what I love about our God, he’s unpredictable and dangerous. He loves fiercely and jealously. He’ll passionately pursue us until he has our whole hearts. He’s not scared of getting his hands dirty and is more interested in being in relationship with us than making sure we have every box on our list checked off. He loves us as we are. Right now. And at the same time is transforming me into the image of Christ. God wants to meet me in my nowhere place and redeem it. This week I’m going to pay attention and look for ways that he’s already entered into that place and is starting to redeem it.
Anyway, this is what has been rolling around in my head after listening to that sermon. I wonder what your nowhere places are. How has God encountered you there?
I remember feeling exactly that around the time I quit waitressing. Waitressing was my nowhere space - I had my life on hold while I was waiting for my significant other to come along.
ReplyDeleteWhat I admire is that you are seeing your singleness as a time that God is purposefully giving you in order to grow you. That's right on. I saw value in my singleness - my friends and roommates, my uncompromised career and hobby choices - but I had to fight seeing it as a second-rate existence. If God is in control, there is no such thing, right?
Anyway, I kinda feel like I'm in a perpetual nowhere space right now. I do expect to be closer to God at some point in the future, but have no idea how that is going to happen.
For me it's the place where I think I've got things under control and can just go on autopilot for a while. My devotional life, for instance. I think I can wait to truly interact with God later, when I need "really" Him. When I'm not so tired.
ReplyDeleteSure enough, soon I start to get lazy and when things get stormy I realize my foundation's gotten weak. Thank goodness for God's grace that surrounds me, reminding me that it's important to keep building a strong reliance on Him even when things are peaceful. And he holds me in all seasons.
Stef, thanks so much for sharing your heart with us and your thoughts. I feel honored by your vulnerability. I am gonna think about this nowhere place concept more and get back to you... but I wanted you to know in the mean time that I read this and i love you. ~roommie
ReplyDeleteHi friends, If you're willing to share your name in your posts that would be awesome. I love hearing more of your heart. For some reason they're not included in your comments. (Nikki, you gave yourself away when you talked about waitressing. So fun to catch up with you last night, thanks for a great hh!! :)
ReplyDeleteI love the reminder that God's grace surrounds us always and He holds us in all seasons. Beautifully said.
upon reflection it seems glaringly obvious that this nowhere place, for me, is when i catch my reflection in the side of a building, or look down at my stomach while i'm sitting, or see a picture of myself in a group of women, or when i stare at my naked body in a full length mirror.... and i feel malformed, misshapen... as if god got a little too tipsy when he was crafting me.
ReplyDeletei keep holding out for that morning when i wake up a foot shorter... looking like all the other women in the world. i keep holding out for that moment when i stand next to a man and feel like he could actually protect me. i keep holding out for that moment when i feel normal, lovable, seen for more than my size.
ultimately, i keep holding out for that moment when im alone staring at my body and i see something beautiful. but, staring at my body and seeing something beautiful will NOT happen if i dont allow god to be god. the more i nurture my nowhere place of holding out for things to look real different on the outside... the more i stand before the almighty creator and say: 'sorry, but you really messed up.' if i am going to fully allow god to be my god... them i am going to continue to learn the sweet and tender truth of who i truly am and how god sees me. more and more i am learning to embrace this body gave me, all 6'4'' of it. more and more i am learning to catch my reflection in a building and say under my breath: hot stuff!
i'm working on some goals as an athlete and in that some goals for weight loss. in it all i remind myself... the most nowhere place about me, my height, is something that will never change. god knew what he was doing when he made me taller than the average man. he knew there was nothing average about me. it has been a very long journey to come to the place i am today... but from the inside out i am learning what it means to truly stand tall. some days are better than others. on certain days some voices are stronger than others... but, this much i know: to let god be god is to let me be free to be just the way he made me. this freedom is god's best for my life and i claim it!
stef, i appreciate your frustrations as a single woman and watching (what seems to be) everyone else around you get married or flourish in a serious relationship. it is often a heartbreaking place to be... and feels so much like a 'nowhere place.' i love when you say, "There he goes again, not fitting into my small lowercase-g-god-box. He’s too big for my little box, and his bigness simultaneously thrills me and scares the shit out of me." amen to that sister. i love your heart.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing that Rebec! Your honesty is such an encouragement to me. You are pretty dang fantastic, lady. Fo shiz.
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