It was around the time of my birthday and that always gets me thinking about my life. What am I thankful for? What ebenezers do I need to make to remind me of what God’s done in my life over the past year? What dreams do I have for the coming year? I’ve been praying for a while that God would give me big dreams. Over the last few years I’ve found that I have been pretty reserved in the dreams I allow myself to have. I’ve seen dreams shatter and it hurts. A lot. And I didn’t want to be disappointed again. But to hell with that, I say! God isn’t calling me to settle for a hum-drum life…and I think letting the Father paint a big dream for me is where it begins. So I started praying for an adventure.
It all started with a TED talk and this question: “What scares you the most? Do that.” That’s easy: Quit my job and travel for a year. That scares the crap out of me. I’m more the planned out/responsible type than the fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants kinds of girl. I’ve always been pretty frugal and responsible with my money, probably because of the financial environment I grew up in. I learned at a young age that I needed to be able to take care of myself. So I have. But because of that, I’m a bit of a scared-y cat when it comes to taking financial risks. And do I really want to quit my job? In this economy? And not have anything to come back to? Really? Is that wise? I’m beginning to think it is. And here’s why: it will make me trust God with my money. Which, right now…I don’t. I depend on me. That’s gotta stop.
When I look back on my life, do I really want to say that I spent my 20’s in corporate America? Sure, my job served a great purpose for a time. It helped me pay for college and I’ve been learning a lot in my current role…but is it what I’m passionate about? Probably not. I’m passionate about helping people grow and develop. I’m passionate about Jesus and the healing that the Holy Spirit can bring. If I do end up taking a break to travel I want it to have some umph behind it. I’m all for sight-seeing and touristy stuff, but I think I would get lonely and feel a bit unsatisfied if I just travelled to travel. Instead, maybe I want to go to a L’Abri for a while or serve with a non-profit while I’m overseas. I want to see what God’s up to and join in on the fun.
I’ve also been thinking about going back to school to become a counselor. I think that plays to some of my strengths and I really believe in walking alongside people as they work through hard stuff. So, I’ve been looking at schools. Some in Portland, some not. I thought about travelling for a while, visiting friends overseas, maybe volunteering for a few months and then returning to the states and heading back to school. A friend of mine also mentioned the possibility of pursuing my PhD. I could study abroad and get a degree in social psychology. Wow, there are so many options, how does one begin to choose?
So, here we go. Let’s see what adventure this next year brings. Have you had any GIANT leaps of faith that you’ve taken in your life? How’d they turn out? Any words of wisdom?
I love this post. I hope you get to do something out of the box!
ReplyDeleteI want to do something adventurous for my 30th birthday.
Olivia, I was kind of thinking of you after I wrote this. You just took a huge leap of faith in starting your new business. I've loved hearing your journey with that. We should get together soon so we can catch up!
ReplyDeleteWhen's your 30th birthday? We should do something grand!
One of those leaps for me was when I decided, almost on a whim, to go to Africa for a month when a friend told me he was going.
ReplyDeleteThat first trip was almost four years ago and it still affects me every day - in learning how to live simply, in the way my travel companions became my brothers and sisters, and in still working to advocate for the children I met there.
I never dreamed that that first "I wanna go too!" impulse would still be playing itself out today in the way that it has. I'm trying to be sensitive to those urges, those whisperings that seem to come from nowhere, because they could lead to unexpected places.
I'm so excited for you. I can see something big stiring and I love to hear your "oh so rational" take on doing something grand! I'm praying for you and I can't wait to see what God's plan for you is.
ReplyDeleteLove you!
Whitney
I'm not sure I've ever taken what felt like big scary leaps -- but I've always had a lot of support to take small scary leaps, which add up to big ones in the long run, I suppose. My parents went on staff with a nonprofit missions organization straight out of college, and so I've never gotten the "you need to do something responsible" line (which, if I had gotten it, might easily have ended me up a lawyer; I am an oldest child, after all, and by nature inclined toward law and order). But on the whole it's added up to a life of fairly little security financially, a fair amount of wandering, but also a strong sense of God's guiding and in that sense of deep security.
ReplyDeleteThe way you're thinking through this sounds like it makes a lot of sense to me. You don't sound stir-crazy; you don't sound like you're trying to prove something. You sound like you're listening to God, and you also sound like you have the resources to go do this for a year. I'd keep listening, pray with people, get advice on how do do this as wisely as possible -- but I don't see why not to go for it.
Stef, I totally relate to your words: "I’ve been praying for a while that God would give me big dreams. Over the last few years I’ve found that I have been pretty reserved in the dreams I allow myself to have." I am inspired by you and this post... and simultaneously scared.
ReplyDeleteWhen I look back on my life and see what appear to be "giant leaps of faith" from the outside, I recall that those events or choices didn't feel that way at the time. They felt natural and normal. For example: when I moved to portland from vegas to be a missionary - since i was originally planning to go to china, portland did not feel like a leap of faith, it felt like a natural step for me. Had I realized at the time how much risk I was actually taking by starting from scratch in a new place, it would have been a GIANT leap of faith. But I was naive (and I thank God for protecting my heart at that time from realizing how hard it could/would be.)
I guess also at that time I was in the midst of living out the GIANT leap of faith by raising financial support - I was daily trusting God to provide for me financially - it was sooooo hard and I hated asking people for money, but I am glad I did it. God came through. He proved He was my provider... in the midst of me being really angry at Him. Raising support was not really an event, but a daily process for a while.
The times that FELT the giantist to trust God/ step out in faith, were times that were less visible to outsiders. These leaps were made relationally – setting boundaries with family for the first time, using my voice, trusting people, letting people in, pretty much anything related to my healing journey. My leaps in this context were less visible, but no less emotional. I felt them – they were so scary. But God never left me. At times it felt that way, but looking back, now I can say He was always right there, even when I made the wrong choices.
I am excited for you! (though selfishly, as your roommate, I don’t like the idea of you being abroad) I am more hopeful after reading some of your dreams, that God will give me big dreams too… maybe I already have them and they seem small and boring to others, but perhaps they are GIANT to me and in the context of my story? I dream of being married and having children – a really really healthy thriving marriage and raising children in a really healthy home – in the context of my story that is pretty huge.
Woohoo! Do it! Do it! That's my word of advise :)
ReplyDeleteHonestly, a came back from a few trips starting from ground zero. It sucked. But I don't have a single regret about going on those trips - many of my favorite memories were made on them. And one "ground zero" time inspired me to go back to school. Without that, I may still be a bitter server!
L'Abri - love it! You could apply to be an intern (I'm not sure what the exact title is) and get some counseling experience that way. And there's The Shelter in Amsterdam. You'd be able to observe some ministries in the city, like outreach to prostitutes or sex-traffic victims.